The "Get To" Principle
Sitting at my kitchen table in the midst of the Coronavirus of 2020 (aka Covid-19), I am struck at the philosophy that has swept me up in the last 5 weeks of lockdown. The philosophy of "Get To".
Many reputable authors and theologians and celebrity TED-talker-types have spoken about the axis of perspective when it comes to your experience, but I have perhaps never noticed it quite so explicitly in my own life until now. The change from "have to" to "get to".
When lockdown was approaching and the lines of "work at home if you possibly can" were being spoken by the Prime Minister, a sense of excitement rushed over me as I thought, yes, I don't have to commute. The Have To in this sense is of course one of obligation; my job is in London, there is therefore no other alternative way to work in my office than to travel by train, but it sharpened my senses as I realised that I wasn't simply happy that I didn't have to commute to work, but that I would get to stay at home! I love working in London, but the prospect of walking the 20 or so stairs to my living room seemed somewhat more appealing. A trivial example I'll grant you, but it gets better.
One week later, they announced that the schools would be closing. I was inundated by social media complaints (not to me personally I would add!) about how everyone would "have to" homeschool their children, how they would "have to" have their husbands at home, how they would "have to" this and "have to" that. Now please don't misunderstand me, I am not in any way belittling the hard time that we are experiencing and how wretched and devastatingly hard it is for some people right now, I can't even imagine the pain and difficulty some people are facing; I suppose what I am contesting is the mindset that many of us have in spite of having secure and healthy experiences.
The occasional momentary lapse in attitude would occur on and off in those initial weeks, when one child was screaming at me for a chocolate related snack (the third in a row) or the other was having a major tantrum at having to do some writing practice, when I would think do I really have to do this? And then I was furloughed from work. Oh no, I have to concentrate solely on ensuring a top level, oxbridge standard education to my 2 and 4 year old children. Oh no, I have to cook well balanced meals, I can no longer rely on the schools and the childminder to cover that base. I have to cook more than beans and fish fingers. Oh no. And then it hit me. Have to is always an Oh no moment. The perspective of what is to be done is immediately funnelled into a box, a task, a necessity, and an unpleasant one at that.
In amongst the oh no moments however were abundant moments of how blessed am I? I love this! How is it possible that I get to do this? and I became acutely aware of how the philosophy of get to transforms even the hardest or most mundane task or process into a privilege. It doesn't always mean you'll enjoy it, but it does take the sting and drudge out of things.
In reading my bible at the kitchen table, I was struck by the Song of Mary in Luke 1:46. Here was a woman so taken off guard by an angel, by God's decision to use her, and it was so rudely inconvenient. She was to be judged, Joseph would be judged, the exposed vulnerability and lack of choice in it all must have been so difficult; and yet, Mary moved from "I have to carry the son of God, oh no, woe is me", to
I'm dancing the song of my Saviour God.
God took one good look at me, and look what happened -
I'm the most fortunate woman on earth.
(MSG)
The joy that bursts out of Mary is infectious. I read it and immediately felt that sense of "oh I want that" and then I just felt the clear sense that the joy is meant for all of us. Even in the trying and difficult times, in the storm, in the darkness, in the moments that seem hopeless. A get to perspective leads us straight back to God, straight back to hope, to joy, to love.
So I challenge you, next time something feels like a chore, consider what the get to translation would be.
Try it...
I have to single parent for the day, stuck inside becomes I get to spend the day with my children. I get to see their gifts, their heart, what they enjoy. I get to make memories with them.
I have to stay indoors because otherwise I'll get sick becomes I get to stay indoors and prioritise my health because I am blessed enough to have a roof over my head and to live in a day and age of technology.
I have to get up at 5am to fit exercise in becomes I get to go and exercise because I am healthy, and physically able. I get to enjoy the quiet moments in nature, when all I can hear is birdsong.
I am being incredibly reductionist of course, but it is amazing what changing one word can do for your perspective.
Many reputable authors and theologians and celebrity TED-talker-types have spoken about the axis of perspective when it comes to your experience, but I have perhaps never noticed it quite so explicitly in my own life until now. The change from "have to" to "get to".
One week later, they announced that the schools would be closing. I was inundated by social media complaints (not to me personally I would add!) about how everyone would "have to" homeschool their children, how they would "have to" have their husbands at home, how they would "have to" this and "have to" that. Now please don't misunderstand me, I am not in any way belittling the hard time that we are experiencing and how wretched and devastatingly hard it is for some people right now, I can't even imagine the pain and difficulty some people are facing; I suppose what I am contesting is the mindset that many of us have in spite of having secure and healthy experiences.
The occasional momentary lapse in attitude would occur on and off in those initial weeks, when one child was screaming at me for a chocolate related snack (the third in a row) or the other was having a major tantrum at having to do some writing practice, when I would think do I really have to do this? And then I was furloughed from work. Oh no, I have to concentrate solely on ensuring a top level, oxbridge standard education to my 2 and 4 year old children. Oh no, I have to cook well balanced meals, I can no longer rely on the schools and the childminder to cover that base. I have to cook more than beans and fish fingers. Oh no. And then it hit me. Have to is always an Oh no moment. The perspective of what is to be done is immediately funnelled into a box, a task, a necessity, and an unpleasant one at that.
In amongst the oh no moments however were abundant moments of how blessed am I? I love this! How is it possible that I get to do this? and I became acutely aware of how the philosophy of get to transforms even the hardest or most mundane task or process into a privilege. It doesn't always mean you'll enjoy it, but it does take the sting and drudge out of things.
In reading my bible at the kitchen table, I was struck by the Song of Mary in Luke 1:46. Here was a woman so taken off guard by an angel, by God's decision to use her, and it was so rudely inconvenient. She was to be judged, Joseph would be judged, the exposed vulnerability and lack of choice in it all must have been so difficult; and yet, Mary moved from "I have to carry the son of God, oh no, woe is me", to
I'm dancing the song of my Saviour God.
God took one good look at me, and look what happened -
I'm the most fortunate woman on earth.
(MSG)
The joy that bursts out of Mary is infectious. I read it and immediately felt that sense of "oh I want that" and then I just felt the clear sense that the joy is meant for all of us. Even in the trying and difficult times, in the storm, in the darkness, in the moments that seem hopeless. A get to perspective leads us straight back to God, straight back to hope, to joy, to love.
So I challenge you, next time something feels like a chore, consider what the get to translation would be.
Try it...
I have to single parent for the day, stuck inside becomes I get to spend the day with my children. I get to see their gifts, their heart, what they enjoy. I get to make memories with them.
I have to stay indoors because otherwise I'll get sick becomes I get to stay indoors and prioritise my health because I am blessed enough to have a roof over my head and to live in a day and age of technology.
I have to get up at 5am to fit exercise in becomes I get to go and exercise because I am healthy, and physically able. I get to enjoy the quiet moments in nature, when all I can hear is birdsong.
I am being incredibly reductionist of course, but it is amazing what changing one word can do for your perspective.
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